I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
