Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
