So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
