Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Boobs speak an international language.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
