the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You're a disaster
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