Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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