textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
