Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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