i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
