I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
