did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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