i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I wish you could order shots online.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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