I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
