I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
