he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
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