I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
nutella sex= disaster
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
