I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Randomize
