Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
