I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
