So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
