I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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