so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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