Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
lets start a swedish sibling band together
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
