i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
