can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
