So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
