so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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