she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
