we have pet lesbian snakes
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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