do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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