Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
