Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
