Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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