covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
