the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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