I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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