So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
