apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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