you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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