Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
