Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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