Is it because I queefed?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
