I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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