"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
