i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
