So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
