you would pick up someone in the library
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
