I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
