Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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