It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
