The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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