It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
