Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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