If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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