the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
