They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
