dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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