You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
