my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
