I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
