I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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