As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
