I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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