Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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