he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
